Is going to school in the morning accompanied by tantrums and sulking from your kids? Many of us have been there, and if you are like me, it’s tough to know what to do. Realizing that my child hates school wasn’t a shocking revelation, but it was a major wake-up call. There is always a reason for your child to hate something. So, if you want to help your kids through this challenge and resolve this issue, you need to start by finding out what’s causing them to hate school.
Is It Normal to Hate School?
Not liking school is perfectly normal, especially for young kids who are just starting school. There are always reasons why kids react to something new and different. Some reasons why your child hates school might involve being away from a parent for the first time. Other kids might be teasing or bullying them. Or perhaps they need time to get used to a new routine and a big change in their lives.
If your child hates school, they have a reason, and you need to determine if that reason is something you can help them deal with. Be forewarned; this might be the soul-crushing lesson of ‘you just have to deal with it.’ Their reasons might not be something that you, as the parent, can resolve immediately. You might have to focus on giving them the necessary emotional support and cuddles they need to know that you love them and want the very best for them.
What to Do When Your Child Hates School
If you know why your child hates school, you should focus on resolving the issues to the best of your ability. One of the most common reasons is bullying, which is a significant issue in schools today. When dealing with this type of problem, you need to approach the matter from two directions.
As a parent, you should focus on supporting and building their self-esteem and confidence. Remind them about all of their amazing qualities. Educate them on what causes other kids to bully and how not to be the victim. Make sure they are playing with the right type of kids. Point out their character strengths and how they are making a difference in this world. If you are not sure how to deal with this situation, or just want some support and guidance, get the help of a licensed therapist. If you notice a change in your child’s behavior where they suddenly hate school, address the issue right away. Showing them how much you love and support them is always the most important thing you can do.
The next step is setting up a conference with the teachers and school administrators to discuss this issue. You have to be proactive and have the school authorities investigate the matter. Then you need to all create a plan to deal with the bullying and bully. Most schools are highly sensitive toward bullying and will not tolerate these actions.
If the reason your child hates school is due to the stress of being overburdened with work, not getting enough sleep, or too many after-school activities, try to identify the things you can change. Most likely, your school follows a set curriculum that can’t be adjusted. You should evaluate what is essential to your child’s health and start making some changes there. You should be laser-focused on trying to reduce the level of stress in your child’s life. These are life-long skills that need to be learned as a child and mastered as an adult.
If your kid’s reason for hating school is anxiety, your job becomes more difficult. They need to know that school is not as a punishment, but a place where they can learn and enjoy themselves. This is not an easy thing to do, and again you might need the help of a therapist to identify and deal with the anxiety they are feeling. As a parent, spend quality time together, going over schoolwork and showing them what they learn in school will be things that they use in life.
Author Bio: Agatha Singer is a work-from-home mom with two little nuggets. Her interests range from the latest business management trends to healthy living and adventurous travel.You can find out more about Agatha by visiting her blog: http://www.agsinger.com
This is also my situation also! First grade now and I still have my daughter crying in the back seat that she doesn’t want to go in. I’ve also done the charts, focused on positives and other avenues like those. It seems that nothing works and I am at my wit’s end with how much she doesn’t like school. She has wonderful friends, she loves her teacher, she is smart and is above average in testing. It seems like everything should be fine. But then I get the other side of clinginess and wanting to be with Mommy all day. It is really frustrating and hard to know what to do. I would also love a follow up with this question.
Thanks!
So much has changed since this post, but online learning can still have children crying not to go to “school.” If it is still a struggle, you might want to look into learning disabilities. I can also tell you that my daughter was very clingy and eventually she grew out of it and became a very confident independent you lady.
I’m wondering if we just have to be ok that our kids don’t like something, even if it makes us uncomfortable. We shouldn’t need to make them happy al the time, and that doesn’t reflect negative on your parenting. My son hates school and I listen to his concerns and try to talk him through his emotions. I connect with him by telling him all the things I don’t like to do. But in the end, we have to do those things anyway. Good luck to you mama! You got this!
This is totally my son you just described. I walk away in tears and my heart broken. It’s not easy. Last year in kindergarten he did great. Now in first grade the first 6 weeks he made a b honor roll. He grades have dropped, he throws his papers on the floor in class, among other things. Like over night change.
Remembering my negative experiences at school I don’t want my children to feel the same way. But I really don’t always know how I can help them.
Now it seems to me that the situation at school is under control. I don’t want to interfere too much in their life (still, teenagers hate it), but I don’t want to miss the moment if everything will turn out bad.
This is really a very important problem which cannot be underestimated.
There is a balance between helping and interfering too much. It seems to be different for each child, each teacher, and each situation. Trust your instinct.
I am struggling with trying to show/teach my son that school is fun and needed to be successful in life. Both my husband and I are teachers, we go to school (work) every day, and at dinner, we always share our fun day at school (work). However, ever since my son entered kindergarten, he hates school. He’s been going to full-day (8:00 am to 3:00 pm) school since he was three. It is his first year at his current school, and he dreads going to school every day. He wakes up, cries, and shares how he hates school. After school, it is the same, but slightly worse because he has homework.
Seeing him hate school so much and having to go every day breaks my heart. I think to myself, as an adult, I would never go somewhere every day if I hated it, so why am I making him do it. I have been thinking about quitting my job to homeschool him. However, I don’t want that to send him the wrong message either.
Do you have any tips to help a 6-year-old like school, or at least not dread it?
Elizabeth, This is a difficult situation that you are in and a tough one to resolve. Has your son expanded on why he hates school so much? Is his teacher involved in helping resolve this situation or is anything happening during the day?
Do it!! Trust your gut and we only get this opportunity once!
Hi Elisabeth,
My name is Monica.
Your story struck me, as your son is six, and still so small!
What a shame he hates school.
I have a 9 year old daughter who hates school too. Always has done, from the time when she went to preschool at 3 (only in the mornings), and then primary school, where I arranged for her to go only mornings for as long as I could, because she dreaded it so much.
I can only tell you my experience as a mother, as it is very hard to really discern what goes on in your childs mind.
In my daughters case, she turned out to have dyslexia, and related to that, a slow ability to process new information, which makes her hate any external information that is ‘forced’ on her. She is, on the positive side’, a very independant thinker, and strongwilled. This combo makes her however, extremely hard teaching material.
I have tried to find the right school for her (changed twice). The second school was great until a new school system was installed due to a new headmaster and everything changed).
I try to really watch closely what her needs are, both in school and out, and try to find the best fit. Sometimes she has good days, sometimes bad…
Maybe your son, given his individual talents and abilities, has a very good reason to hate (this) school.
I am a bit shocked that a 6 year old gets homework after school! As if those hours arent enough.
Kids learn the most from playing outside with others and in nature immo…
I hope you will find the means to make his schoollife happier, all my best!
Monica
My child is 11, has bad anxiety, and has always hated school. He does poorly even though we have spent a bunch of money on tutoring in the last 8 months. I don’t know what to do or how to help him. Nothing I try seems to work and nothing seems to make school better for him. He is taking an anxiety medication and seeing both a counselor and a psychiatrist. I am at my wits end. I am very sad and concerned for him because education is so important.
My child is in kindergarten now and hates school as well. For the most part I think it is attributed to separation anxiety, what I hear the most is”Mommy I want to stay with you” it breaks my heart but I quickly remind him that mommy has to work, how else would I be able to buy and do all the nice things you get or do all the fun things we do” I also remind my child that we all have to go to school, dad went,big sister goes now, granny went and me, I had to go!” My child is not falling for the speech lol but I believe in my heart that he will get used to it, and I have to keep saying these same things to him all the time until he says “yeah yeah yeah , you went,dad went, my sister blah blah blah, I love you see you aftersc hool mom, did you pack me lunch ” lol!, but I will definitely reach out to the school therapist to have a talk with and also look to a specialist to make sure there is no,even slight, learning disabilities. I figure if there is one, it’s to catch it early and resolve it successfully while he still young” Good luck to you fellow parents and stay safe,healthy, and happy during these difficult times. We will get through it!<3