Is going to school in the morning accompanied by tantrums and sulking from your kids? Many of us have been there, and if you are like me, it’s tough to know what to do. Realizing that my child hates school wasn’t a shocking revelation, but it was a major wake-up call. There is always a reason for your child to hate something. So, if you want to help your kids through this challenge and resolve this issue, you need to start by finding out what’s causing them to hate school.
Is It Normal to Hate School?
Not liking school is perfectly normal, especially for young kids who are just starting school. There are always reasons why kids react to something new and different. Some reasons why your child hates school might involve being away from a parent for the first time. Other kids might be teasing or bullying them. Or perhaps they need time to get used to a new routine and a big change in their lives.
If your child hates school, they have a reason, and you need to determine if that reason is something you can help them deal with. Be forewarned; this might be the soul-crushing lesson of ‘you just have to deal with it.’ Their reasons might not be something that you, as the parent, can resolve immediately. You might have to focus on giving them the necessary emotional support and cuddles they need to know that you love them and want the very best for them.
What to Do When Your Child Hates School
If you know why your child hates school, you should focus on resolving the issues to the best of your ability. One of the most common reasons is bullying, which is a significant issue in schools today. When dealing with this type of problem, you need to approach the matter from two directions.
As a parent, you should focus on supporting and building their self-esteem and confidence. Remind them about all of their amazing qualities. Educate them on what causes other kids to bully and how not to be the victim. Make sure they are playing with the right type of kids. Point out their character strengths and how they are making a difference in this world. If you are not sure how to deal with this situation, or just want some support and guidance, get the help of a licensed therapist. If you notice a change in your child’s behavior where they suddenly hate school, address the issue right away. Showing them how much you love and support them is always the most important thing you can do.
The next step is setting up a conference with the teachers and school administrators to discuss this issue. You have to be proactive and have the school authorities investigate the matter. Then you need to all create a plan to deal with the bullying and bully. Most schools are highly sensitive toward bullying and will not tolerate these actions.
If the reason your child hates school is due to the stress of being overburdened with work, not getting enough sleep, or too many after-school activities, try to identify the things you can change. Most likely, your school follows a set curriculum that can’t be adjusted. You should evaluate what is essential to your child’s health and start making some changes there. You should be laser-focused on trying to reduce the level of stress in your child’s life. These are life-long skills that need to be learned as a child and mastered as an adult.
If your kid’s reason for hating school is anxiety, your job becomes more difficult. They need to know that school is not as a punishment, but a place where they can learn and enjoy themselves. This is not an easy thing to do, and again you might need the help of a therapist to identify and deal with the anxiety they are feeling. As a parent, spend quality time together, going over schoolwork and showing them what they learn in school will be things that they use in life.
Author Bio: Agatha Singer is a work-from-home mom with two little nuggets. Her interests range from the latest business management trends to healthy living and adventurous travel.You can find out more about Agatha by visiting her blog: http://www.agsinger.com
This is also my situation also! First grade now and I still have my daughter crying in the back seat that she doesn’t want to go in. I’ve also done the charts, focused on positives and other avenues like those. It seems that nothing works and I am at my wit’s end with how much she doesn’t like school. She has wonderful friends, she loves her teacher, she is smart and is above average in testing. It seems like everything should be fine. But then I get the other side of clinginess and wanting to be with Mommy all day. It is really frustrating and hard to know what to do. I would also love a follow up with this question.
Thanks!
So much has changed since this post, but online learning can still have children crying not to go to “school.” If it is still a struggle, you might want to look into learning disabilities. I can also tell you that my daughter was very clingy and eventually she grew out of it and became a very confident independent you lady.
I’m wondering if we just have to be ok that our kids don’t like something, even if it makes us uncomfortable. We shouldn’t need to make them happy al the time, and that doesn’t reflect negative on your parenting. My son hates school and I listen to his concerns and try to talk him through his emotions. I connect with him by telling him all the things I don’t like to do. But in the end, we have to do those things anyway. Good luck to you mama! You got this!
This is totally my son you just described. I walk away in tears and my heart broken. It’s not easy. Last year in kindergarten he did great. Now in first grade the first 6 weeks he made a b honor roll. He grades have dropped, he throws his papers on the floor in class, among other things. Like over night change.
Why are kindergarten and. 1st graders receiving letter grades
Hi mums.
Sorry for the long post.
Please help ? I am at my wits end.
My son is in grade R. He is turning six next month.
He doesn’t like school, and he doesn’t like to talk to anyone.
As far as I know nothing bad has happened at school.
The kids and teacher try to talk to him ,but sometimes he won’t respond. If his teacher askes him a question at school he will answer correctly.
He knows his work,but is inconsistent with completing it in class.
It depends if he’s interested in or not.
When it comes to singing and dancing that’s the only time he’s excited and happy.
He’s a very headstrong little boy from his toddler stages. If he doesn’t want to do something he will find ways to avoid it or even find ways to argue and change the topic.
He can read on his own, like Enid Blyton books The Faraway tree adventures, write ,and colour in and plays songs on the piano like the ,Mr Bean intro, incy wincy spider, Blaze etc he loves music.
He hates drawing . I don’t know why.
He likes to draw his certain shapes ,but when it comes to drawing our family or anything such as cars or boats he will complain (even though he loves cars) and you can see the lack of interest.
I have tried to encourage him, explain the importance of school, tried to do the work with him, asked him what’s wrong.
I have tried to prep him as much as I could for school over the last few years.
I have tried rewards,
I have taken away things like xbox and TV time.
Teacher is now worried and so am I as tests are coming up.
I have been so worried and stressed this whole year.
I don’t know how to get him to take an interest in his work.
I have tried to explain why it’s important but he’s not interested.
He is also afraid of the stairs at the school playground.
At home the stairs are higher and he walks up fine holding the walls one side.
The front of the school apparent has the same kind of stairs and he holds the teachers hand and walks fine.
So three issues.
1 Doesn’t like to communicate with teacher and peers.
(At home he is the opposite, even if we go out to a restaurant he will greet people and talk.
He likes to make videos as if he’s a YouTuber . He even imitates his teacher and tells me sometimes what they did in school.
But in school he won’t talk much.
2 Inconsistentency with the completion of his work.
3 Afraid of school playground.
I have tried to ask him why he does the above and he doesn’t answer.
(NB He took long to walk ,we had to take him for physiotherapy and Occupational therapy to help him. He only started walking on his own at 2 and a half years old after bum shuffling for over a year. He is flat footed ,but walks and runs fine at home. He never used to want to feed himself or drink from the bottle on his own even at 18 months. He would just leave the food and milk there or pick it up and give it to me. He only started feeding himself around 2years of age.
I have encouraged him,prayed for him and pushed him to do all these age appropriate things, and I am so frustrated and tired.
I dont know what to do.
Has anyone been through this?
What do I do? ? I am trying so hard. It’s making me depressed.
Thanks
I have the exact same it’s breaking my heart please tell me it gets better and how?? Xx
Not sure when this was posted but my son is going through all of this now.
My child is in a new school. She went from an amazing bilingual International school to a country home school. She loves her teachers and friends. She cries and begs me to come to lunch, pick her up early or let her stay home. She says see worries about me, I’m not in the greatest health. I don’t know how to handle her anxiety. I’m taking her to her Dr tomorrow.
Remembering my negative experiences at school I don’t want my children to feel the same way. But I really don’t always know how I can help them.
Now it seems to me that the situation at school is under control. I don’t want to interfere too much in their life (still, teenagers hate it), but I don’t want to miss the moment if everything will turn out bad.
This is really a very important problem which cannot be underestimated.
There is a balance between helping and interfering too much. It seems to be different for each child, each teacher, and each situation. Trust your instinct.
I am struggling with trying to show/teach my son that school is fun and needed to be successful in life. Both my husband and I are teachers, we go to school (work) every day, and at dinner, we always share our fun day at school (work). However, ever since my son entered kindergarten, he hates school. He’s been going to full-day (8:00 am to 3:00 pm) school since he was three. It is his first year at his current school, and he dreads going to school every day. He wakes up, cries, and shares how he hates school. After school, it is the same, but slightly worse because he has homework.
Seeing him hate school so much and having to go every day breaks my heart. I think to myself, as an adult, I would never go somewhere every day if I hated it, so why am I making him do it. I have been thinking about quitting my job to homeschool him. However, I don’t want that to send him the wrong message either.
Do you have any tips to help a 6-year-old like school, or at least not dread it?
Elizabeth, This is a difficult situation that you are in and a tough one to resolve. Has your son expanded on why he hates school so much? Is his teacher involved in helping resolve this situation or is anything happening during the day?
Do it!! Trust your gut and we only get this opportunity once!
Hi Elisabeth,
My name is Monica.
Your story struck me, as your son is six, and still so small!
What a shame he hates school.
I have a 9 year old daughter who hates school too. Always has done, from the time when she went to preschool at 3 (only in the mornings), and then primary school, where I arranged for her to go only mornings for as long as I could, because she dreaded it so much.
I can only tell you my experience as a mother, as it is very hard to really discern what goes on in your childs mind.
In my daughters case, she turned out to have dyslexia, and related to that, a slow ability to process new information, which makes her hate any external information that is ‘forced’ on her. She is, on the positive side’, a very independant thinker, and strongwilled. This combo makes her however, extremely hard teaching material.
I have tried to find the right school for her (changed twice). The second school was great until a new school system was installed due to a new headmaster and everything changed).
I try to really watch closely what her needs are, both in school and out, and try to find the best fit. Sometimes she has good days, sometimes bad…
Maybe your son, given his individual talents and abilities, has a very good reason to hate (this) school.
I am a bit shocked that a 6 year old gets homework after school! As if those hours arent enough.
Kids learn the most from playing outside with others and in nature immo…
I hope you will find the means to make his schoollife happier, all my best!
Monica
My child is 11, has bad anxiety, and has always hated school. He does poorly even though we have spent a bunch of money on tutoring in the last 8 months. I don’t know what to do or how to help him. Nothing I try seems to work and nothing seems to make school better for him. He is taking an anxiety medication and seeing both a counselor and a psychiatrist. I am at my wits end. I am very sad and concerned for him because education is so important.
My child is in kindergarten now and hates school as well. For the most part I think it is attributed to separation anxiety, what I hear the most is”Mommy I want to stay with you” it breaks my heart but I quickly remind him that mommy has to work, how else would I be able to buy and do all the nice things you get or do all the fun things we do” I also remind my child that we all have to go to school, dad went,big sister goes now, granny went and me, I had to go!” My child is not falling for the speech lol but I believe in my heart that he will get used to it, and I have to keep saying these same things to him all the time until he says “yeah yeah yeah , you went,dad went, my sister blah blah blah, I love you see you aftersc hool mom, did you pack me lunch ” lol!, but I will definitely reach out to the school therapist to have a talk with and also look to a specialist to make sure there is no,even slight, learning disabilities. I figure if there is one, it’s to catch it early and resolve it successfully while he still young” Good luck to you fellow parents and stay safe,healthy, and happy during these difficult times. We will get through it!<3
I hated school because of bullies, a few strict teachers, and because I only enjoyed certain subjects. But unlike the clingy children, I was glad to get out of the house. Being an only child was no fun. My parents were always kind but being with adults so much was boring. And I repeat I was glad to get out of the house but I didn’t like all the required academic subjects.
For example I hated math, history, classic literature, and phys ed. I enjoyed English grammar and vocabulary, modern literature, foreign language, art, and music. Sometimes I liked science depending on the specific topic. But overall school was a burden. And there were a lot of bullies.
P.S. I’m now 54 years old but I’m still traumatized by the struggles I had in school, both social and academic. I’m a highly sensitive person and believe that “bad memories are like Velcro”, as someone once said.
My son is going into the 1st grade and he dislikes school. I’ve changed his school so hopefully this helps. I did get him tested and he has receptive/expressive language delay; so this could have attributed to his disliking school. We will see this year.
My grandson just started first grade too. He goes kicking and screaming. He likes school but wants to be with mommy. Will it get better?