Note to Readers: Much stress, anxiety and even depression is because we expect a negative outcome. Children are hopeful by nature but are quickly influences by adult ways. Paying attention to our thoughts and expectations and tweaking them with optimism can reduce stress, anxiety, and fear. Lead by example and raise optimistic children…you just might change your life in the process. Thanks to Dr. Lynne Kenney for sharing this article with Stress Free Kids!
by Dr. Lynne Kenney
A new study, in the February print issue of Pediatrics, examined optimism in 5,634 children who began taking part in the research when they were 12 to 14 years old. The researchers found that the quarter of kids who were the most optimistic had almost half the risk of showing signs of depression compared with those who were least optimistic. Being highly optimistic only had a “modest” link to less heavy substance abuse and antisocial behavior. Likely because substance use and antisocial behavior have strong genetic correlates.
Raising optimistic children has been meaningfully explored by Dr. Martin Seligman since he studied learned helplessness in the 1970’s. In 1991, Seligman published Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Since that time, his influence on the field of Positive Psychology has been instrumental in teaching the public that what you think and how you reframe your life experiences impacts your life view as well as your health. People who rate high on optimism live longer, have better mental health and are physically healthier than people who rate high on pessimism.
If you are wishing to encourage optimism in your children consider these time-honored strategies:
1. Help your children set themselves up for success. Participating in tasks, academic activities and physical sports that are within your child’s ability will provide them with positive experiences increasing their self-esteem and allowing them to see themselves as capable.
2.Give specific feedback on what your child does well. Instead of offering general praise, be specific. “You practiced so many multiplication problems that you earned an A on your recent test.” “Your effort and practice earn you better grades.”
3.Validate their feelings offering some strategies for looking more hopefully at the circumstances. “It didn’t feel very good to miss the goal at soccer, but your footwork on the field was excellent. Daddy and I will play more with you in the backyard so you are better prepared for the next time.”
4. Use positive not negative labels. Negative labels lead children to believe they are the label. So use positive labels when talking with and about your child. As an example, when your child exhibits a behavior that is unsuitable such as whining refrain from calling your child a “whiner” and practice using a new tone with your child. “Joey, when you ask for what you want in a positive tone, I can respond better to you.” “Let’s use a happy tone as we talk with one another.”
5.Comment on the bright side. “I know it’s raining so we must play indoors, this is our chance to make a huge train station today.”
Raising optimistic children begins with you. Seeing the positive side of life experiences, learning from mishaps and practicing positive thoughts leads to happier children. You can find more ideas and strategies for raising the optimism quotient in your family by reading Martin Seligman’s book The Optimistic Child.
Dr. Lynne Kenney is a mom, pediatric psychologist and author of The Family Coach Method, St. Lynn’s Press 2009, for more visit www.lynnekenney.com
Positive self-talk is an easy way to introduce optimism. Affirmation Weaver and Affirmation Web are stories designed to encourage children to use positive statements. Both stories are available as an audiobook download as well.
Great blog. I know from the chidlren I see that they find it hard to look on the bright side of life. How does it happen? They are very black and white in thinking and we have to teach them that this is an opportunity to do something even better…
I really enjoyed this article! I have two young kids and it’s very important to us to raise them in a positive way and being optimistic is a great start. I liked all five points above and plan to use some of those examples this weekend.
Thank you Jeff and Naomi…Dr.Lynne Kenney did a wonderful job bringing this small detail of optimism into our awareness…. I am quite thankful.
Right on! We can shift our thoughts with affirmations and gratitude – such important skills for children to learn. Good yoga programs for children focus on this quite a bit. And Stress Free Kids makes it easy to keep up the learning at home! Thank you!
Thanks Lisa… I love your yoga programs for children! I get relaxed just thinking of it….ommmmm
Great article. I think that fostering optimism in children is one of the greatest tools you can give them to succeed in life. One of the things that I do with my son at night as we are going to bed is talk about the events of the day and what we are happiest about. It is alot of fun and really keeps him focused on the good things that happened throughout the day.
I love that Erin! Thank you so much for sharing that tip.
That is a great tip Erin. It is a wonderful way to end a day by reflecting on a positive, feel good moment….sweet dreams for sure.
Excellent points. We can validate in so many ways and it is so important
Great write up. Loved every word of it. It is so important for children to be optimistic to lead a healthy mental life. Every care giver need to put these words to action.
Well timed article. I was thinking at the beginning of this week how pessimistic I was about the year for my son given the hard time he had with school last year. I could tell immediately when I changed my mindset and thinking to positive that my language change, my facial expressions and expectations. I could see my son lighting up – oh, there is hope for me after all!
How wonderful that you were willing to shift your mindset and even better that you received immediate positive feedback!
I have found this blog and the comments really helpful. Thank you
Just as valid now as 6 years ago except I would take issue with #5
Why not, ” How about we put on our boots and raincoats and go outside and see what we can discover?” Here is one of my favorite quotes: “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.” Bill Bryson. Children can learn as much, or more, outside than inside, in all kinds of weather and then unpack the experiences with questions. “What color is the wind” “Where is it going?” “What makes wind in the first place?” Clouds, trees, grass, flowers, rivers, lakes and streams and on and on and on. Have fun!