Note to reader: Children with low self esteem often struggle with anxiety. As parents and caregivers we can do little things along the way to boost our child’s confidence. When we as parents realize that children more capable is a good thing ..we send a message of trust and confidence to our children that translates into self-esteem. I love the following example. Thanks Shara!
By Shara Lawrence-Weiss
An effective way to boost a child’s self esteem is to give them a little power: a little “Yes! You can try that – go for it!”
During my years as a nanny (16+) there was oftentimes a common theme among parents:
“My child isn’t ready for that yet. You will need to do it for him/her.”
[Scroll down for the play-by-play] I would smile, politely, and then go about my business of allowing the child to do many things, all on his/her own. Rather than get the shoes from the closet I’d say, “Can you get the BLUE shoes for me, please? They are inside your closet. Go and find them and bring them back to me.”
A few moments later the child would return, blue shoes in hand (to the parent’s great amusement, of course).
Many parents (especially first time parents) assume that their child is needy: they must be protected from every possible harm, fall, injury, bruise, cut, scrape, hurtful moment and so on. While it’s perfectly understandable that the nurturing instinct sets in, we also need to realize that without the opportunity to learn, learning will not happen. If we offer those learning moments without being consumed by fear (under supervision when needed, yes), learning will happen! Your child will then feel a great sense of accomplishment, for a job well done.
Let me demonstrate, clearly…
Here is my own son, a few days back. He is currently 17 months old. He saw me using the pencil sharpener and begged to have a turn. My first response was, “No, you are not ready for this. You have no idea how to use it.” I then thought, “Well, isn’t that ridiculous? How will he LEARN to use it if I don’t let him try?” I moved the sharpener down to his level, handed him a bucket of pencils and said, “Jack – mommy needs these sharpened. Can you do that for me? That would be a BIG help! ” He plopped down, happy as ever, and began to sharpen every pencil in the tub:
One after the next – no problem whatsoever; Until every pencil had been sharpened:
The only problem now is that he believes he’s “King of the sharpener.” I have to explain to him that others need it, too.
Moral of this story:
Hold a child back and you’ll succeed at keeping them back. Give them opportunity to learn and…learning will be done.
About the Author:
Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the owner of Mommy Perks, Kids Perks and Personal Child Stories. She has a background in early childhood, nanny work, published freelance, marketing and special needs. Lots more at http://www.earlychildhoodnews.net and follow Mommy Perks on Twitter
Stories are a great way to help children believe in themselves. Teaching children about positive statements are part of the Children’s Relaxation Packages available for younger and older kids.
Nice article. The children always have the love of work. And through work they will develop concentration, motor development, work habit, independence, and most importantly their self-concept. Through work they will also develop their intelligence. And yes, children are more capable than we think.
Children are as capable as we let them be. My 6 year old does loads of things for himself because I ask him to and he wants to. Its obviously easier when you have a willing child. I say start young.
Children are definitely capable of more than we realize. Parents communicate trust in their children when they teach them to do things independently and then empower them to do those things. Giving a child responsibility and the opportunity to experience the feeling of being capable gives them confidence, selfesteem, self worth. Allowing them to make mistakes and teaching them to deal with fair and reasonable consequences also contributes to a child’s sense of being a capable individual.
Conversely, parents who do everything for their children or have no requirements for their children to contribute to the family function and environment send the opposite message: “You are Not Capable.” After a while, children believe it and stop trying. What an unfortunate, unnecessary turn of events – and one that is extremely difficult for a child to undo later in life.
Wise word indeed! Thank you for sharing!
These are wise words that parents need to keep in mind as their children get older and head out on their own too. Mine are now 22 and 19, and I always tried to think of parenting as a gradual letting out of the leash, giving them more and more room each day to find their own way, make their own mistakes and learn to live independently. After all, isn’t that our job?
You are so right Kristi! One of the most important things we can do for our children is teach them to be independent. Thanks for sharing you experience
Couldn’t agree more. Sometimes the very best thing we can do for our children is *not* do it (whatever it is). I know it’s hard for some, but stepping back to let your child do it – and possibly fail, only to try again – is a wonderful lesson in self-efficacy. Nice post.
Good point…letting children experience failing and finding solutions is a necessary for character building and self-esteem. Thanks for commenting
That’s why I beg my wife. Please, please stop telling our ten year old or me that its time for me to put her to bed. You know she could and dose it her self anyway. I think she’s just making her feel like a baby.
Wan’t to give her a good night kiss or a hug. And tuck her in once in a while that would be lovely. But don’t say I have to put her to bed. She’s almost eleven.