Note to Reader: Having a schedule or a gentler following of patterns is a wonderful way to help reduce stress for you and your children. I just love how Dawn used the phrase “patterning their days” as a way to explain scheduling.
Unpredictability, lack of sleep, and overly scheduled children causes stress and anger. Tweak your schedule for peace and calm.
by Dawn Lantero of splashparenting.com
I am about to let you in on a HUGE parenting secret…and I only learned it through trial and error over the course of many years! Scheduling is a key to parenting young children!
Young children learn through experience, and the more safe and secure you can make their world for them, the more safe and secure they feel. And you can achieve this through scheduling or patterning their days. The bonus is a child who feels safe and secure is able to learn better, and exhibit self control, and in general is much more pleasant to be around. There are many obstacles to following a schedule that allows for your young child to feel safe and secure. We all have busy calendars and high expectations and so we end up racing from here to there often completely unaware as to how this chaos is affecting our young children.
If you want your young child to feel safe and secure and calm and peaceful, you must make it a priority to offer them a schedule and commit to keeping it. The more you can slow the pace and offer an easy, predictable, rational daily schedule for your child, the better it will be. You not only offer the child a world that they understand, but you also are developing important bonds of trust because you allow your child to count on a schedule and in turn they count on you and your word to deliver what you promise.
There will be plenty of time as they grow older to be out and about and enjoy many activities. But when they are young, make a commitment to them and their best interest to slow the pace. If you have a nanny, cooperatively work out a simple, daily schedule that meets your child’s needs and then commit to following it on weekends, too. If your child is in daycare, make sure that you find out how the day is spent, and try to loosely pattern your days in a similar fashion. Young children need naps and playtime and require feeding and hygienic care–as they grow there will be plenty of time for enrichment opportunities. But while your children are young, embrace simplicity and help to bolster their confidence by offering them a simple routine rather than a chaotic and upsetting schedule.
Dawn Lantero has been helping parents gain new insights through her parenting handbook; S.P.L.A.S.H. Parenting Principles (available at Amazon.com) and many workshops and classes taught over the past 12 years. She has been a frequent contributor to the @30SecondMom Website, Parent’hood Column found in the Chicago Tribune, and syndicated nationally. She was featured by the Ricki Lake Show as a Friend of the Week. Dawn is a certified elementary school teacher and teaches preschool classes at Grace Episcopal Church in Hinsdale, Illinois. She combines her teaching experience with her years spent as a busy stay-at-home mom. She has spoken at many Parent University Programs throughout the suburbs. Dawn spent a year living in England, and taught classes via teleconferencing and webinars. Further information can be found on her website/blog:
Splashparenting.com or via twitter @Dawnlantero
I think this is excellent advice – a predictable schedule is a cornerstone for a peaceful childhood. I think having a written schedule is comforting for children, too. For families with frequent schedule changes, keeping a variable schedule on a chalkboard/whiteboard can be very helpful.
I love scheduling and I think it can be used successfully for the whole family. Mum and dad need to have schedules to make family life work for everyone. Start young I agree. Once they get older they still need one but there needs to be a degree of flexibility for freedom and space.
I totally agree with this. When my children were young a schedule helped all of us calm down. Knowing what to expect from the day is soothing. Of course there are times when a family needs to do something out of the ordinary. The family adapts easily knowing there is a secure base to return to. I stress this with my clients also.
A routine can be a key part of healing traumatised children and helping them learn to trust again. A family schedule can also help to foster a sense of family identity.